A girl walks by, hangs her head low and shuffles through a crowd.
But I see her bright eyes through stringy blonde on blonde hair.
Funny the things we can see when we look.
Shes got those sunflower eyes, they penetrate.
She dreams of flying to another world, where love is the drink in her cup,
and happiness her buttered bread.
And it comes to a halt.
Almost as quickly as it starts.
"Day dreams are just wishes our hearts make"
she mumbles to herself.
i like the ambiguity of this piece...make sure to spell check (penetrate)... the natural voice makes the reader feel a part of the story... i especiall like "She's got those..." and "buttered toast" also the near rhyme halt/start...good job let's put it in MW
ReplyDeleteohhh lindyyy! I love love love love love this. It's so poetic and like Mr. Dietrich said it feels so natural and flowing. It creates a sentimental feeling that draws the reader in. I love the idea and the message. Great Job girl!
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